Divine Knittervention

Life has certainly been a rollercoaster lately.

Oddly enough I feel like an observer rather than a participant. I have been reading over the old blog, the one before this and found that I miss the passion in that person. Sure, she wasn't always happy.. okay... she wasn't always sane. But I miss her all the same. It really brought the point home when I mentioned feeling disconnected to a friend and she nodded knowingly and said that I have been that way since Daniel died. She said I seem more somber. Somber. Well that can't be good.

Its not like losing the most important person in your life shouldn't change you. It should. But I think his life should make more of an impact on me than his death. At least thats how I want it to be. I need to make some changes. If only I can muster the strength and find a starting point. Sept. 26th, 2007, 2 days from now will mark the 2 year anniversary of his death. 2 years. And I still feel frozen.

Again, I find it curious that I probably never would have learned to knit had he not died. We would have been off doing other things. He would be so amazed by the things I have created. I actually have a list of patterns that he would have *loved* me to make him. Leo, Avast, Anniversary, The new knitty has a scarf that would have been perfect. Traditional, handsome, classic. Just like Daniel.


I really wish that I could change things. But thats the weird thing about death. No matter how much you want it to change, it won't. It still doesn't make it any easier to pick up the pieces and move on.